


carrying our dreams and all that they mean (trying to make it all worthwhile)

by odair_goes_my_sanity



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Parenthood, evens a dad because why not, evens sister and daughter are in it, isaks a teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odair_goes_my_sanity/pseuds/odair_goes_my_sanity
Summary: The comfortable silence was back again as the pair got changed. In a weird way, this bit’s worse than the sex, Even thinks. These moments of domesticity where everything’s so easy and Even laughs more than he has in so so long, moments where he lets himself think about what it would be like if they did give it a try, let themselves be in a relationship and experience moments like this every day. Even lets himself linger on the thought for a while longer, until his phone rings and he’s reminded of his life, his responsibilities and that no, it would never be as simple as this.Or : We’ve been hooking up for the past few weeks and holy shit it turned out you’re my kids teacher oh god this embarrassing!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hellooo! So this was a prompt i got ages ago for a different fandom but never got round to writing but I thought it was a cool idea and wanted to see how it would for evak. I also had a panic this morning about my exams start in 12 days, but instead of doing anything about it i decided to write a fic, so you know, priorities. 
> 
> Also trying to edit the spacing on the texts was a bitch and i don't know how to do it so it looks okay when you read it on a phone, so sorry about the gaps!
> 
> Not much else to say, except I hope you enjoy it!

_This has to be the last time_ Even thinks, as he pulls the duvet off himself, shivering at the cold morning air. The movement wakes up the body beside him who proceeds to groan and slap his arm on the mattress underneath him, something that confused Even until he realised that the boy was trying to find him and grab him to come back to bed.

“Issy I have to go, you know that.” _Oh yeah well done Even, you’re really doing well with the whole cold-act and making sure that this never happens again thing,_ he mentally scolded himself.

“But why, you never tell me why, just that you have to. And-” Isak briefly stops talking as he switches his position from lying down talking into his pillow, to lying on his side propped up on his elbow, staring straight at Even “imagine how great it would be if,  you know the sex wasn’t only an ‘at night thing’, like we could experiment…” The younger boy trails off, raising his eyebrows repeatedly whilst smirking at Even, and _dammit it was tempting._

**“** Don’t even start Isak, I have to go. You know I actually have real grown-up responsibilities that I can’t just sleep through.” Even thinks he would be much more convincing if he wasn’t currently standing in the middle of the room in just his boxers as he looks for his jeans, not to mention the fact that it was impossible to tease Isak without laughing at the mock-hurt expression that was soon to be followed by an indignant _‘what?’_ and _‘I actually…’_ or _‘I’ll have you know I’m the master of…’._

“What!?” – Even gives himself a mental high five- “I’ll have you know I have tonnes of responsibility, people literally trust me with their children’s lives.”

“A horrible decision really.”

“Shut up. I’m really responsible, I shape children’s futures and inspire them to go and be whatever they want in the world.”

“Oh deflate the ego you teach four year olds, at best you teach them how to sing while they clean up and get crayons out of their noses.” Even says with an eye roll, although still not being able to hide his laugh. He’s found his jeans though, so that’s a plus.

“Excuse me! I am a – actually a kid did get a crayon stuck up his nose the other week it was fucking hilarious.” Isak admits with a laugh, as he finally joins Even and starts to get changed.

“So inspirational, so compassionate, you really did prove me wrong Isak- you’re the moulder of futures, the beacon of wisdom, the- ow fuck!” Even didn’t get to finish his point as Isak had gotten his pillow and decided to wack him over the face with it. Even looked over at Isak, wide eyed as he again says “the fuck?” before breaking into laughter and residing with an _‘_ okay, yeah I deserved that.’

“Yes, you did you dickshit.”                                                             

The comfortable silence was back again as the pair got changed. In a weird way, this bit’s worse than the sex, Even thinks. These moments of domesticity where everything’s so easy and Even laughs more than he has in so so long, moments where he lets himself think about what it would be like if they did give it a try, let themselves be in a relationship and experience moments like this every day. Even lets himself linger on the thought for a while longer, until his phone rings and he’s reminded of his life, his responsibilities and that no, it would never be as simple as this.

 

 

* * *

 

 

For once it’s actually a relatively nice day, and despite the fact that it’s seven in the morning, the sun’s shining and there’s no chill in the air. Even tries to focus on that rather than the disappointment that’s settling in his stomach as he leaves Isak behind. Leaves him to go _home,_ and disappointment should never be a word he associates with home and what waits for him there. No, he thinks, this is far more important than some fling with a guy who would bail anyway, he allows himself to feel proud, _this was the right decision._

“I’m home!” Even yells to the apartment as he closes the door, whilst simultaneously taking off his shoes- multi-tasking comes with the territory.

“Shut up you idiot!” is the loving response he gets back, courtesy of his older sister Lilli, who says it through gritted teeth whilst smacking him round the shoulder- her multi-tasking comes with, well probably through her enjoyment of scolding and hitting Even at the same time, _probably comes with the big sister territory then_ , Even thinks.

“She’s still asleep. Thankfully, because you still smell of sex and I mean next time at least try sort your hair out. And is your top-? Fucks sake Even, at least try dress properly if you’re going to try keep up the illusion up.” Lilli swings back round with a hand flourish, which Even’s learnt to understand means _‘I’m done with you and your bullshit’_ and saunters back to the kitchen, leaving Even standing in the hall looking round feeling a little bit lost with everything that just happened.

He passes the mirror before following Lilli to the kitchen, and oh, his shirt’s inside out and yeah, his hair probably has seen better days but still-

“Urm, you better not have corrupted Ella because if she, a four year old, knows what sex smells like that’s on you.” He calls out to his sister as moves on from checking himself in the mirror.

“You know what I meant Even.” Lilli turns round to face him, leaning on one side of the kitchen counter, as he leans on the other. She continues to maintain a disturbing amount of eye contact and then lets out a sigh, which Even knows means he’s about to get a lecture he could really do without,  he knows what’s coming and even though it’s too early to function he knows that this is a conversation he definitely doesn’t want to have.

“I’m glad that you’re going out more, I mean you’re 23 for gods sake you should be going out and having fun! It’s just that, you’re situation is, it’s different.” If it weren’t for how uncomfortable this conversation was, Even would be enjoying how much his normally eloquent and composed sister was squirming as she’s trying to find the least offensive way of saying what she means. But the offensive words are directed at him, so he’s not enjoying it as much.

Even let’s out a sigh and rolls his eyes- multi-tasking now courtesy of being the little brother to a nosey and outspoken sister- “Yes, Lillian I’m aware that my situation is different, thanks for reminding me.”

“Don’t full-name me dick, and don’t get sassy either. I’m just trying to look out for you, this isn’t just about you.”

“I know Lilli! It hasn’t been just about me since I was eighteen, Jesus I’m sorry that I want one night every few weeks to just _try_ to feel like a normal twenty three year old, I didn’t realise it made me such a bad person!” He was tired of this now, he wanted to have a shower and go to sleep for half an hour before Ella wakes up, but Lilli was stubborn and Even knew this wasn’t going to end now like he wanted to.

“No- Even it doesn’t make you a bad person, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I’m glad you’re having fun, it’s just. When you come home, you need to remember to be that different person, your role changes here and you can’t come home the next day looking like you spent the night getting drunk and sleeping around.”

“But I did spend the night getting drunk and sleeping around. Well not around, I was consistent, it was the one guy.” Even smirked as he said it, and yes he knew it was the wrong thing to say as all he wanted to do was to diffuse the situation and get his sister to leave, but the Bech Naesheim siblings argue and quarrel and have tiffs or whatever you want to call it. They wind each other up and they don’t let things go.

“Even! I’m being serious-”

“Really? I thought you were being an annoying and overbearing sister, my mistake.”

He shouldn’t have said it. He didn’t even realise he had said it until the silence got longer and his sisters glare got more intense, but he couldn’t take it back and it’s not like he didn’t mean it. He’d been doing this since he was eighteen and he doesn’t need his sister to patronise him and make him feel guiltier than he already did.

“Whatever Even, do what you want, but don’t come crying to me when it all goes wrong and you’re left alone, again.” She says the last word with a smirk, but it falters as she sees Even’s hurt face and realises that this time, she was the one who took it too far. She wanted to say that she didn’t mean it, and Sonja leaving wasn’t his fault and that she’s being too harsh, but the Bech Naesheim’s are stubborn, so instead she leaves.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**From : Isak**

 i no this goes against our cool, no strings attached arrangement but so

does having each others numbers i think so whatever. just wanted to

say it was good seeing you and we should do something again sometime.

 

 

 

**To : Isak**

 *know. If you want to shape children’s futures you should probably

   know that. 

 

 

**From : Isak**

  oh im sorry. i wasn’t aware that my students were going to read my

  messages and learn from that.

 

**To : Isak**

  fuck I hope not, I think my messages from last night would

  traumatise them for life.

 

**From : Isak**

  lol see this is why i’m trusted with looking after tiny lives and

  youre not.

 

**To : Isak**

I am actually but I’m terrible at it and that’s why I left you

  this morning and every other time, because I don’t want to

  burden you or let her get hurt because everyone leaves us

  and I don’t know what I’d do if I ended up hurting her. God

  she’s the most incredible little girl, you’d love her.

                                        **[MESSAGE DELETED]**

**To : Isak**

   a kid got a crayon stuck up his nose under your supervision

   don’t think you should be trusted with them either

 

**From : Isak**

   fuck you, i got it out and no one got hurt

 

 

 

Even laughed and put his phone away. It would have been easy to carry on talking, to lie in his bed with a giddy smile on his face as he thought of the right thing to say back. Maybe in another life, if he were a twenty three year old in art school or something he could, but he wasn’t. So instead he walked across the hall and crept into Ella’s room, laying down next to her. He smoothed her hair and kissed her head, letting out a breathless laugh as she turned round in her sleep, reaching out and patting his cheek mumbling a _‘night night daddy’_ , already asleep by the time he had murmured a _‘night princess’_ back.

No, this was the most important thing and always will be.

 

 

* * *

 

It had been months, and finally Even felt like he was back on track with his life, and more importantly with Ella’s. He’d stopped going out and instead dedicated everything he had to her, well everything except the few moments he gave to Isak, texting him things about his day, strategically dodging anything about the fact that he had a daughter or anything that could be taken as an invitation for sex. Which is a shame in a way, Even missed Isak and the nights they’d spend together.

Lilli was helping him with Ella as much as she could and Even begrudgingly took it. Neither spoke of their argument- Lilli knew she was too harsh, Even knew that he was being irresponsible. But instead of admitting either of them had been wrong, Lilli came round with take-out and spoke as if there were never a problem to begin with. Which maybe wasn’t the most mature way of dealing with things, but it worked. And also Even could never be angry with someone who bought him duck spring rolls and egg fried rice.

He felt terrible admitting it, but things seemed to be easier knowing that in a few weeks his days would be a little bit freer and less hectic as Ella started school. He also didn’t want to admit that he would definitely cry and wallow in her room for a little bit while he worked out who he was when he didn’t have a daughter at home to ring and check up on every five minutes.

 

**From : Isak**

bored as fuck. summer holidays go on for waaay too long what

   you up to?

 

**To : Isak**

Oh yeah you and you’re three month teachers holiday. The

   heart bleeds.

 

**From : Isak**

uhh I actually have to prepare lesson plans and do teacher

   training stuff so you know, actually pretty hard stuff

 

**To : Isak**

lesson plan for four year olds? Must be so strenuous.

    Hour one : colouring. Hour Two : hand worksheets about

    maths out. Hour Three : naptime. Hour Four : lunch

 

 

**From : Isak**

okay your negativity is just so unnecessary besides you

    work in a bar you pull drinks all night and then do shitall

   all day

 

**To : Isak**

The bars just one of my jobs.

 

**From : Isak**

One of??? How many do you have ??

 

**To : Isak**

   It would go against my code of conduct to disclose that

   information.

 

**From : Isak**

   holy shit ur batman??

 

**To : Isak**

Yep you got me

**From : Isak**

damn that explains why you were leaving all the time and talking

   about responsibility. Is it the city? And your people? They’re your

   big responsibilities??

 

**To : Isak**

   Yeah. Big burden you know, can’t slack when you’re in charge of

   peoples lives.

 

**From : Isak**

It now makes so much sense, the reason we never went back to

   yours was obvs because you didn’t want to show me the batcave.

   gotta say im a big fan of your work

**To : Isak**

Again, the fact that people trust you with their children is such

   a huge worry

 

**From : Isak**

Again, the negativity is so unnecessary

 

**To : Isak**

I’m sorry

 

**From : Isak**

No ur not

**To : Isak**

   No I’m not

**From : Isak**

dick

 

 

 

 

**From : Lilli**

Hey baby brother, want me to come with you

   to drop elle at her first day of school?

 

**To : Lilli**

I’m more than capable of doing it on my own

 

**From : Lilli**

I know, but what are big sisters for if not to make fun

   of you while you cry more than your daughter does as

   you drop her off to school for the first time??

**To : Lilli**

You make such a compelling and persuasive argument

 

**From : Lilli**

I’m joking. But seriously it’s going to be hard

 

**To : Lilli**

I know

 

**From : Lilli**

I can’t believe she’s so grown up

 

**To : Lilli**

I know

 

**From : Lilli**

It feels like yesterday she was born

 

**To : Lillie**

I know

 

**From : Lillie**

Can’t believe it was nearly five years ago I screamed

   at you for getting your girlfriend pregnant at 18

 

**To : Lillie**

I know

 

**From : Lillie**

Do these repetitive answers mean that you’re crying right now?

 

**To : Lilli**

…

No

 

**From : Lilli**

Do you want me to be with you when you drop her off

   so we can cry together?

 

**To : Lilli**

Yes

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The morning was going suspiciously smoothly. Ella was strangely excited for school, which Even is taking as her being intelligent and ready to be intellectually challenged and not as her wanting to leave his company, because if he thinks it’s because of that then he might just cry sooner than he promised he would. Her bag was packed, breakfast was eaten and teeth were cleaned, so now he just had to drop her off. Which. Huh, so much harder than he would have thought.

The thing is his world was completely turned upside down when he found out Sonja was pregnant. _They were teenagers._ This was going to change everything, he could say bye bye to art school and hello to working three jobs to provide for his family and the title of ‘teenage father’ hanging over his head. But god, once she was born everything slipped away. Even had read the books, he wanted to be prepared, deadbeat dad was not going to be a title he would ever warrant thank you very much- and he read about how you instantly fall in love with your child and how you will never know true love until you look at your newborn baby and yeah, it all sounded nice but not necessarily true. But it was true. As soon as she was born, Even knew he would do anything for his little girl.

Well it was true for him. Apparently it wasn’t necessarily true for everyone like he originally thought. It wasn’t true for Sonja and so she left.

He knew he can’t blame her, they were kids and just because she was a girl didn’t mean that she wanted to be a mother but Even couldn’t find it in him to completely understand how she could look into Ella’s eyes and _not fall in love._ It had happened so easily for him. But that was that, and here they were, and here he was about to send his little girl off to school and trying his hardest not to cry into his cereal.

“Daaadddyy come onnn, you’re taking so long!” Ella seemed to inherit his charmingly good patience then.

“Come on smowpokes, slowspokes, slow-” Even tried not to laugh as Ella stopped abruptly mid-charge as she fumbled over the phrase.

“Struggling there little one?”

“Ugh, hurry up daddy!” And with that she spun round and slammed her feet- as much as she could in her little sock covered feet- as she stormed towards the front door.  Sometimes she was too like him for her own good.

 

 

Even was not too proud to say that he was literally being dragged round by his four year old child, who held far too much sass and stubbornness for a being as small as her. But at least she was excited for school. She had been talking his ear off about all the things Auntie Lilli had told her she was going to learn, and he made sure to remember to thank Lilli for getting Ella so excited as to not make this even harder for him.

Yes, it had all been going so smoothly- Ella was excited, he was given simple instructions to find her classroom, a nice little girl had already befriended Ella before they’d even arrived to their class and Lilli hadn’t even mentioned the fact that his eyes were already a little red.

Yes, it was all going so smoothly until-

“Here we are daddy! Classrom R1- Mr Valtershun. I don’t fink I said that right” there was a chuckle and then a deep voice said,

“Don’t worry sweetie you said it perfectly.”

And oh. Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._ Even knew that voice. And god he was an _idiot,_ he’s a teacher, literally most of their conversations relied on Even making fun of the fact that he taught four year olds. How could he have not have thought this through?

“mmkay daddy you’re being weird so I’m going now. Love you” Ella broke Even out of his panic, planting a kiss on his cheek and running off into the classroom, leaving him to stand up from where he was crouching and face Isak. The man he had been kind of sort of not really dating, but most definitely been sleeping with, who was now his daughters teacher.

_Fuck._

“Uh, hi- didn’t think this would be where I would be seeing you but okay, I’m glad I’m seeing you anyway.” Isak smiled at him and raised his eyebrows, clearly enjoying Even’s panic.

“Even?” He knew that he hadn’t said anything but he couldn’t really bring himself to speak. But he had to, he was blocking the door and it would be rude not to, besides this is _Isak._ He always talks to Isak.

“The parenting books say to leave straight away so your kid doesn’t panic and want to come home with you, so.” And, what? That was not what he meant to say, that was so far from what he was meant to say but before he could register it enough to say something else he had turned round and left, leaving a wide eyed Isak behind.

And yeah, _fuck._

**From : Isak**

So the secret identity wasn’t batman then?

 

 


	2. And with one kiss you inspired a fire of devotion (what kind of man loves like this?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh. my. god. 
> 
> the response to this has been actually incredible! I've never had such postive feedback for a piece of work (and I thought it was one of the worst things I've written- always works out like that doesn't it?) But thank you sososo much! Everyone who left kudos, and especially the people who left comments completlely inspired me to carry on with this. 
> 
> this is the longest fic i've ever written it's becoming a beast of a thing, but i'm enjoying it so much so seriously thank you so much! <3 
> 
> i still have no idea how to do the spacing so the text messages look okay when people read it on a mobile device, does anyone know?
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much again and I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

**From : Lilli**

   The fuck Even??? Did you just forget I came with you

   to drop Ella off?? I’m so mad right now one mum came up to me

   and asked why I was standing round looking like a headless

   chicken (which doesn’t even make any sense) and she asked if

   I’d lost my child and I was like no I’ve lost my twat of a brother

   who brings me to drop off his child and then fucks off without

   telling me, leaving me to fend for myself  in a swarm of children

   and parents- a lot of which were crying and yet somehow I still

   managed to look like the biggest idiot there

 

**From : Lilli**

   Are you seriously ignoring me right now? What happened to we

   can cry together about Ella’s first day of school??

 

**From : Lilli**

Even you know I was joking I know todays hard for you let me be

   there for you. I can even bring ice cream

 

**From : Lilli**

   Fine then don’t reply

**From : Lilli**

arsehole

 

Even had been wandering round for the past three hours trying to work out how he managed to fuck up so spectacularly. His mother’s warning of _all this lying’s going to catch up with you know?_ was ringing around his head, and yes mum, he knows, he knows and he did it anyway and now he has to either pull Ella out and move her to a different school or drop off the face of the earth and die of embarrassment.

 Okay, so yes now it is increasingly obvious where Ella gets her dramatics from but he has never felt embarrassment like this before. Not only was his relationship with Isak already kind of embarrassing, _I mean who falls for their one night (two night, five night, on off for a few months) stand?_ And then if that wasn’t enough, he calls it off because he tries to be a responsible adult, only for their ‘no strings attached’ arrangement to turn into a texting every day and getting giddy over a message arrangement, which is humiliating enough considering he’s a grown-ass adult with a child. Only for it to all be topped off with said attractive guy, who Even may or may not be slightly falling in love over message with and who he may or may not have thought about in the dead of night, remembering the time they spent together _, being his daughters teacher._

Isak, the man Even had wanted to keep away from Ella over fear of her getting attached only for him to leave, or worse Even getting attached to Isak before he even knows about him having a daughter, just for him to then leave _because_ of Ella. Isak who for months knew Even and of his mysterious ‘responsibility’, but had no idea that was actually code for _I have a daughter_ , is now going to see her and be reminded of that fact every day.

Even knows that’s not the problem though. I mean, yes, the fact that he has to see someone he slept with every day is mortifying, and that Isak has seen Even completely come undone under his touch and is now teaching his innocent, tiny baby daughter who has no idea about what a fuck-up her dad is – and no, okay actually that is definitely a problem. But the _worst_ part is that there was a tiny part of Even that was letting himself hope that maybe it could work, Isak works with kids so it’s not like he wouldn’t like Ella, and besides she’s not like other kids anyway, she’s incredible and smart and funny and _Even’s not biased in the slightest_. Even could ease him into it, they could go on a few dates, then maybe breach the subject of him having a daughter and if Isak was up for it the three of them could go out together, nothing fancy maybe just get ice cream and go to the park and then they could do it more frequently and maybe, possibly, slowly become a family.

But that’s fucked now. Because he didn’t ease him into it, he ignored it completely and now Isak knows and has found out in the worst way possible, and Even’s back to having to put his own wants last and doing what’s best for Ella, which is most definitely _not sleeping with her teacher._

God, being a responsible adult sucks.

 

* * *

 

 

**To : Lilli**

   Sorry for being a sucky brother. today was a lot

   more difficult and stressful than I could have ever

   imagined.

 

**From : Lilli**

No worries I get it, im kind of glad you didn’t get to

   see me get all emotional

 

**To : Lilli**

Ditto

 

**From : Lilli**

Besides it wasn’t all bad, did you see Ella’s new teacher?

   W o w . now if I was ever taught by someone like him I

   think I would have paid a lot more attention at school.

   Or maybe not. I would have just drooled.

 

_Now that, is how fucked up his life was._

 

* * *

 

 

**From : Isak**

Okay so maybe the batman joke wasn’t as funny as I

   thought.

 

**To : Isak**

You’re never funny so I don’t know why you’re acting

   so surprised

 

**From : Isak**

   And so he lives! Although he’s still as unreasonably

   harsh as ever

 

**To : Isak**

Shouldn’t you be working? Shaping childrens futures?

 

**From : Isak**

   There’s this magical thing that exists, it’s called a lunch

   break, crazy stuff I know

 

**To : Isak**

Ha

 

**From : Isak**

Ha? That’s cold

 

**From : Isak**

Okay look, you have a daughter, that’s your big mysterious

   secret. It’s not a big deal I don’t think any differently about

   you. in fact it’s insanely cute.

 

**To : Isak**

   You should think differently about me. You’re my daughters

   teacher, I can’t talk to you anymore.

 

**From : Isak**

Well that’s a pile of bullshit. You do know teachers can have

   friends right? I go out with loads of the parents, it’s cool.

 

**From : Isak**

I MEAN TO THE PUB!  I don’t go out with them, you know,

   sexually or whatever.

 

**To : Isak**

Exactly. Friends don’t sleep together.

 

**From : Isak**

Well we’re special. We’re best friends ;)

 

**To : Isak**

You’re my daughters teacher.

**From : Isak**

Even, I get it okay? You have to put your daughter first.

   But I just wanted you to know, if we ever did have something

   we wouldn’t have to rush anything and I would never ever let

   it interfere with work (contrary to popular belief I am actually

   professional ;) ). We wouldn’t even have to tell Ella about it

   until you were ready and if it doesn’t work out, then we deal

   with it, but I would never do anything to sabotage that little

   girls life. I became a teacher because I love kids- I would have

   to be the worlds biggest asshole to take out a failed relationship

   on a four year old. If you don’t want to do anything then that’s fine

   but even if we were just friends I’d love that more than anything.

   Being a parent is such a huge responsibility, but it’s okay to put

   yourself first occasionally. That doesn’t make you a bad person.

 

Okay, he was lost. One hundred percent completely lost. Why does Isak have to be such a good person? By the fourth week of dodging Isak at school and denying the whole situation, Even had come to the conclusion that he would just have to put all the _what ifs?_ to bed and just carry on with his life and forget about Isak. Simple.  And then Isak text.

And it was tempting. Any resolve Even had was pretty much completely gone because here Isak was presenting Even with a plan that was identical to what he dreamt of and surely he would be completely stupid to pass up a guy like Isak.

 

_Had he mentioned that he was fucked?_

* * *

 

 

 

“Daddy daddy daddy daddy!” Ella came out of the school yard screaming and jumped straight into Even’s arms, which _jesus, that could have ended badly,_ she gives Even a thousand heart attacks a day and Even is dreading the time where her hyperactivity catches up with her and she ends up hurt _._ But she didn’t get hurt and Even seriously needs to stop panicking over everything, besides at least Ella seemed to have a good day and is completely oblivious to his internal distress.

“Hey little one, how was your day?” Even places a kiss on the top of her head, and places Ella down, instead taking her hand as they make the walk home.

“Oh it was fabulous dad!” And okay what? Even can’t help but laugh at the odd expression, not to mention that she finished it with a little clap and hand flourish, which proves to Even that she has been spending far too much time with Lilli.

“Fabulous?” he repeats with a laugh, “Well come on then, give me details.”

“We spent lotsa time talking bout us, like our name and fun facts and stuff.” Ella starts swinging their arms as they carry on walking, lost in her own world as she takes in everything around her. 

“Ooh sounds fun! What was your fun fact?” Even was expecting a favourite colour or animal or what she had for breakfast, not-

“That I live wif just my daddy and it’s the most fun thing in tha world and on Saturdays we spend tha mornin’ painting and you alllwaayys get paint on your face coz you’re silly and then we make lunch and watch films and it’s my favrite thing in the whole wide world!” She says it all looking at him this time, and Even can’t help but stop in the middle of the street and stare back at her. And this, he realises is the most important thing, this little girl who thinks mornings spent painting with him are the most fun thing she’s ever done. Life has a weird way of working out, but God, does it work out for the best.

He picks her up and spins her around, kissing her cheek and face and head repeatedly thanking the world for giving him this, and he laughs along with her as she squeals and whines “Dadddd!”, and yeah, for all the shit he feels like he’s going through right now, his life is still pretty fucking special.

 

* * *

 

 

**From : Isak**

I no I’m not meant to disclose information about

   students, but Ella is something else. If you ever

   feel bad about whether or not you’re a good dad

   just ask her. Today I got the class to draw someone they

   love and she drew you and called it ‘My best friend’

   and then wrote about why she loves you. I may or may

   not have cried.

   But in a cool manly way.

 

**To : Isak**

I don’t think there’s anything cool or manly about you.

 

**To : Isak**

But thank you.

_fuck it_

**To : Isak**

 Want to get coffee sometime?

 

 

* * *

 

 

To say he was nervous, would be the biggest understatement of his life. _It’s Isak, he’s literally seen you naked and knows what you look like when you’re about to-_ okay this wasn’t actually helping his nerves at all. Ella’s spending the day with Mikael which means she’s having the best time of her life right now and eating her body weight in sugar, so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to stress about. Plus Isak’s not one of those dick teachers that gives four year olds homework, so that’s fine, but he has to do the washing and make sure Ella’s uniform’s ready for Monday, plus buy more cereal and –   jesus, when did he become one of those people? What did he even think about before he had a daughter? Was he always this boring?

Fuck, _he’s boring._ Isak is going to find out that he is completely and utterly boring. Even’s not entirely sure he knows how to not be a dad- what do normal people talk about? Hobbies? Painting… on Saturdays with Ella.

 Passions? Making films. _Oh that’s cool, Even! Are you working on anything right now?_ Oh yeah, he’s making a film. About Ella. _He saw it on youtube okay?_ These parents made a documentary and compiled all these clips of their daughter as she grew up and then gave it to her on her eighteenth birthday and it may have made him cry and so Even decided to do it too.

 Favourite food? It was spaghetti but then one time Ella ate it and sneezed and it came out of her nose, which yes was fucking hilarious, but was also enough to ruin eating spaghetti forever.

Favourite place? Well, actually he’d planned on travelling Europe for his gap year. But then Ella was born. So he didn’t.

His life revolves around being a dad. Which hasn’t been a problem until now, he’s never really been in this situation before. Mikael and the guys all knew him before Ella was born, so when he introduced himself he actually had something interesting to say. And anyone else he’s met since then has been through Ella and her play groups or doctors or whatever, so they were all boring parents who spoke about their kids too.

_Fuck._

“Hey! What’s got you thinking so hard?” It was Isak. It was Isak who was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, which isn’t anything revolutionary but he looked seriously good. And not just because it’s been a seriously long time since Even’s gotten laid.

“Oh, uh nothing.” Even coughed out, which is incredibly embarrassing. _Why is he being so weird?_ “Hi” he continued. Yeah, well that made this less awkward, well done Even.

Not that Isak let it deter him, instead he grabbed Even’s hand and pulled him beside him as he charged through the crowd of people surrounding them on the street, clearly set on going somewhere specific.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise!” Isak responded, without so much as a glance in Even's direction.

Even wanted to complain because he really hated surprises, (excluding Ella of course, but man was that one hell of a surprise) but instead he allowed himself to enjoy actually not having to be in control for once. Maybe Isak did that on purpose, it wouldn’t surprise him- Isak’s stupidly thoughtful like that.

“Here we are!” Isak said as he turned to stand in front of Even, whilst gesturing to something behind him. Which Even then looked at, and _what?_

“Are we at a-”

“Fun fair! Yes, yes we are!” Isak was grinning wildly at him, and even though he was completely confused, Even couldn’t help but grin back. Isak grabbed Even’s hand again, and Even was kind of dying, because throughout their whole _relationship_ , or whatever this was, Isak was always hesitant and not so sure if what he was doing okay. But today he was completely different, he was confident. Even was not ashamed to say he was kind of turned on by it.

Although he may not exactly be ashamed of it, maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he ought to have been- he’s always been told he’s a terrible liar because his eyes give everything away- because Isak looks away with a smile and a blush adorning his cheeks and creeping down his neck. As much as Even loved this new found confidence in Isak, he also loved that he could get him to blush so easily too.

“I just thought” Isak continued after getting his blush, sort of, under control, “that you have to be responsible all the time and it might be fun to just be stupid for a day.”  And there he goes again being so thoughtful. God Even was gone.

Isak’s staring at him expectantly, but Even can see the doubt creep into his eyes the more Even doesn’t respond, so instead he squeezes Isak’s hand and murmurs a “Sounds perfect”, before dragging Isak further into the chaos that was the fun fair.

 

 

“So, you know about me and how I’m the world’s best teacher. But what about you? What do you do?” They had gone on a grand total of three rides so far, and decided that while yes they were _technically_ still young, it doesn’t mean that their stomachs were necessarily any more. So in true old people fashion, they ditched the rides for a coffee break. Even bought Isak a boring coffee (an Americano or latte or some kind of bland drink), while Even himself got some kind of sugar monstrosity (he needed the energy, okay?).

They’d been talking and it was nice, all of Even’s worries about what they’d talk about melted away as he realised not much thought went into their conversations, with Isak it kind of just happened. Until now that is, because now with that question Isak was about to enter the territory of ‘boring dad Even’.

“Um, not much really. I work in a bar some evenings, and then during the days most of the time I work in a book shop. Which is nice, a little boring but the owner was really understanding of the whole situation and let me bring Ella into work whenever I needed to, so that was nice.” Even knows it’s boring and he was kicking himself for bringing Ella up, but the truth is, as cheesy as it sounds, she kind of inevitably was always at the centre of all his decisions and everything he does.

“Oh that’s cool. Why a bookshop?” Isak looks genuinely interested and Even can’t really understand why, which again, must have shown on his face because Isak lets out a little laugh and says “I mean I get that obviously you needed a job, but you could have worked anywhere, within reason I mean, but you could have gotten an office job or worked full time at the bar. There must have been some reason why you chose a bookshop of all places, even if it was subconscious.”

He’s never really thought about it before, he just did what he had to do. It paid well, like he said it was practical because he could bring Ella in whenever he needed to- which with being a single dad was _a lot_ and well it was nice, but-

“I always went in there as a kid. It was the only book shop in town that had a massive section for books on art, plus they sold all the equipment- sketchbooks and brushes and everything. Then as I got older, I got more into film and discovered that they had an even bigger section on that. I would spend my weekends just reading everything I could about film-making and directing and everything there was about what goes into creating films. I guess, when I needed a job it just made sense to ask.” Even said. He didn’t really know where it came from though and he didn’t realise what he was saying until he was done, but that was the beauty of Isak he guesses, his ability to ask the right questions and get Even to realise things about himself that he would have never done before.

“I guess” he continues, staring down into his drink even though he knew Isak was staring at him intently, invested in everything he was saying. “When I found out Ella was going to be born, everything changed. And I wouldn’t change anything, she’s the most incredible girl, but I knew that my priorities would shift and that I would have to give up on my dreams and become more sensible and do what was best for her and her future. And, I suppose, working in the bookshop was a way of remembering what I wanted and not completely losing that dream forever.”

He felt stupid for saying it, his one rule was don’t bring Ella up and make things too serious- this was a date, things should be light and fun. But that’s just Isak, he thought again, making him want to tell him everything and share all his dreams and secrets. He was about to apologise but Isak reached across the table and held his hand instead.

“You know, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. There aren’t many people that would do what you do, you had a child when you were what-”

“Eighteen”

“Eighteen! And yet you show that girl more love than most of the parents in my class. It kind of actually makes my day when Ella speaks about you, because she just thinks you’re so amazing. And so do I Even. You work your bollocks off to provide for her and yet you still make time to have fun and be there for her- which is more than I can say about the other kid’s dads. You’re incredible Even, and you need to realise that and realise that having dreams for yourself isn’t a bad thing.”

“It’s not that simple-”

“When I ask Ella what her favourite thing to do, she says playing pretend and making films with you. When we have fun days and bake in class, she tells everyone that she knows how to do it because her and her daddy always make cupcakes when she’s feeling sad. When I ask her what she wants to be when she grows up, she says she wants to paint pictures like her daddy does and have a gallery where she can put them all up and show you.”

“She does?” Even asks hesitantly as he looks up and studies Isak, who is leant across the table and squeezing his hand as he becomes more and more passionate with what he’s saying. Isak smiles and nods, murmuring a “She does. _It’s you she loves_ , not the material things you can afford to buy her. It’s you and your creativity and passions- that’s what makes her happy”.

Even lets the words wash over him, and it’s true he guesses, both of their favourite times are when they’re together just being creative and having fun. He never really thought about how what he wanted never really left him, just manifested in ways that Ella could enjoy too.

“I wanted to go to art school. But like, there was this course, I can’t even remember- it was multimedia or something, so I could do fine art but also digital art and film making.”

“Do it now then, Even.” And Isak says it with so much sincerity and conviction it takes a second for Even to remember that he can’t, no matter how much Isak’s faith in him makes him want to believe that he could. Instead he shakes his head and looks back down at the table.

“Even, you’re not on your own anymore. I know that Ella’s mum isn’t around but you have your sister and you parents, they come pick Ella up from school all the time- plus your friends. What’s the difference between them watching her right now for you to come here, or for them to do it while you’re at a lecture for an hour? And I don’t want to be too forward, but you have me as well. Even if not as, well I don’t know what we are, but as Ella’s teacher- there’s after school clubs, I’d happily watch her for a few hours if you had work to do or lectures to go to.”

“I’m sorry- I didn’t want to bring Ella up, because I mean we’re on an official date, kind of. And it should be light and breezy and not about responsibility and deep stuff.” Even felt incredibly stupid, mainly because he wanted to reach across the table and kiss Isak right there and say yes to everything he was saying.

“Okay, well considering we met at the bar you work at and then got drunk and hooked up first and then actually flirted through text, only for me to meet your secret daughter because I’m her teacher months later and to just now, going on _official dates,_ as you just called it, I think it’s safe to say that normal conventions can be fucked because we’ve done this completely wrong if we were trying to stick to the normal dating rules.” Isak finished and they stared at each other for a few seconds before they lost it, and started hysterically laughing like two mad men in the middle of a theme park.

Finally they settled down and as Isak wiped a tear, _yes an actual tear this boy was ridiculous,_ away he said “Seriously though Even, you need to stop worrying. I knew what I was getting into when I started dating you. Things are different when you have a kid, things get more serious quicker because your priorities are different- I get it, stop thinking that I’m going to run away. Because I’m not, I really like you Even- batman responsibilities or daughter responsibilities, I’m here if you want me.” He says the last part with a grin, and _fuck it,_ Even gets up and goes round to Isak’s side of the table and pulls him up so he’s standing. And Even doesn’t even have it in him to care how tacky this is that he’s kissing Isak at sunset in front of a Ferris wheel, because _he’s kissing Isak at sunset in front of a Ferris wheel._

They’ve kissed before, obviously, that’s how this whole thing started. But this was better than every single one of them combined, because this actually meant something. This was Even letting his guard down, this was Even letting himself fall for someone after Sonja, this was Even finally letting himself live and realising he wasn’t a bad person for getting something he wanted.

 

* * *

 

 

**To : Mikael**

Thanks for looking after Ella today, she had a great time

   Although fuck you for plying her with so much sugar and

   then leaving me to deal with it.

 

**From : Mikael**

Your welcome you ungrateful jackass. This is how I

   maintain my favourite uncle status

 

**To : Mikael**

Urm, hate to break it to you but that title goes to

   Yousef I think

 

**From : Mikael**

Bullshit- he may work with kids and know how they

   work, but I’m fun and buy her a shit tonne of ice

   cream, so

 

**To : Mikael**

You’re right, I meant that Yousef was my favourite

   because he doesn’t make my daughter bounce off

   walls from a sugar high

 

**From : Mikael**

Fuck you. besides how was the date with hot teacher?

 

**To : Mikael**

I wasn’t on a date with the hot teacher

 

**From : Mikael**

   ……

 

**To : Mikael**

Fuck. Fine. How did you even know?

 

**From : Mikael**

Oh please you asked me to look after Ella because

   you had a date, it would be impossible for it to not

   be with the hot teacher from Ella’s school that you

   constantly eye fuck

 

**To : Mikael**

I do not constantly eye fuck him

 

**From : Mikael**

Mmkay sure you keep telling yourself that.

   I’m not judging btw, he’s fine as fuck you go

   for it, you deserve it. Have fun, be safe.

 

**From : Mikael**

Don’t be silly and wrap your willy

 

**From : Mikael**

Don’t be a prick and wrap your dick

**To : Mikael**

Oh my god shut up I actually hate you.

   but if you want to know it was amazing,

   I think he might actually be my boyfriend?

 

**From : Mikael**

YEEESSSSSS EVEN MY MAN GET IN THERE SON!

 

**To : Mikael**

I think I might disown you as a friend

 

**From : Mikael**

Yeah I’d understand your decision I’d

   probably do the same if I could

 

**To : Mikael**

but seriously man thank you for everything

   I love you

 

**From : Mikael**

No worries, and I’m serious Even I’m really

   proud of you, it’s time for you to let yourself

   be happy. Love you too bro

 

* * *

 

 

**From : Lilli**

Even, I know I’ve been harsh on you in the past,

   but it’s just because I worry and I want the best

   for you and Ella. But you’re so amazing baby brother

   and me saying you should be responsible and not go

   out so much and sleep around , wasn’t me

   saying that you shouldn’t date people. You deserve

   to be loved and I’m so glad that you’ve opened yourself

   up and that Isak makes you so happy. I’m so unbelievably

   proud to call you my brother, you wonderful specimen of

   a human.

 

**To : Lilli**

Haha thank you, I love you too <3 and I know you’re

   looking out for us, I don’t know what I’d do without

   you

 

**From : Lilli**

That was so much emotion for us I think I need to

   go punch a wall or something.

 

**To : Lilli**

There’s the sister I know and love! As long as it’s

   not me, my daughter or our possessions punch away

 

**From : Lilli**

Also, I would like to say sincerely, from the bottom of

   my heart, fuck you for bagging Isak and for not saying

   anything when I said how hot he was

 

**To : Lilli**

At least now you can pretend that the reason he wasn’t

   interested was because he’s gay.

 

**From : Lilli**

You always know the right thing to say

 

 

 

* * *

 

**From : Isak**

I don’t want to push, but I’ve sent you the link to a part

   time course that sounds similar to the one you wanted.

   Ella’s in school, and in normal uni you’re only there 10

   hours a week, it’s actually a pisstake, and this is part

   time so it would be even less, so you could still keep your

   job, chill with Ella- plus you pay for it through loans.

   Obviously you don’t have to decide anything, just remember

   to dream big Evi you can do anything you put your mind to.

   You deserve to be happy.

 

**To : Isak**

I’ll think about it thank you

  

**To : Isak**

But as long as I’m with you I’m pretty fucking happy <3

 

**From : Isak**

Gross

 

**From : Isak**

<3

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand they're dating! Is it obvious that one, i'm seriously broody and want a daughter and two, that i love even and want him to be surrounded by people who love, support and believe in him? Plus I have mad respect for young parents, you guys are amazing.
> 
> Lilli and Even's relationship is so fun to write as well because it's basically just me and my sister- especially the gross emotion 'lets go punch a wall' part. 
> 
> also did the time jumps make sense? i tried to keep them as simple and vague as possible. 
> 
> I have a plan for the next chapter that could involve Ella and Isak antics and more people wanting even to go for his dreams, so if anyone wants to see that drop a comment ;) 
> 
> As always kudos and comments make me stupidly happy <3
> 
> Also, come talk to me on tumblr : @finnivkodair ! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> Evak with kids is like the death of me, so hopefully that lived up to some of the stuff that's out there. If anyone wanted I could probably continue this and see how Isak and Even get out of the awkward and navigate a relationship. Up to you guys!
> 
> Come scream at me on tumblr: @finnivkodair
> 
> Kudos and comments are always very very appreciated! <3


End file.
